Stay Single, mashallah:>

We all have that friend who for some reason is always linking you up with wierd jobs. I'm not complaining. No name, no case, but this friend of mine will even tell, you that bedsheets za statehouse zinaoshwa na wanataka watu waende waoshe, oh sijui barabara zinasweepiwa na ameambiwa aende na mtu mmoja. This time it was a little bit realistic. She landed on a job ya kupark documents in boxes, in an office in tao, for a person who was switching work places.

The job began at around 9am and by 12 midday we were done. The best thing about her jobs is that you get paid immediately. So she gave me my money and I was about to head home until she asked me to take her get stuff kwa supa then we would go home together after. Tukaenda supa and I was surprised she was getting chocolates. Too much chocolate. I'm the last person who should suggest what too much chocolate is. So you bet it was.

We walk to the cashier and the money she has is barely enough to pay for all that. Mind you she asked me to pick one bar for myself on her bill. She turned at me to hand her the money she just paid me with. And she said she'd pay me back outside. So she paid tukatoka. I grabbed my bar nikaanza kukula as i question her about the rest.

"Usiniite simp but these are for Kiki,"

Kiki was her boyfriend, used to be her boyfriend, still is, surprisingly. Okay all I know is they had all these constant fights and breakups and the last time I heard her talk about him they had broken up, now she was getting him chocolate. I did not need her to explain to me. However, I needed my money back. I swear I had like 40 bob in my Mpesa. Fare should have been 50 bob, atleast. Well hardly had I started demanding when she asked me for one other favour, last favour. That I take her to her boyfriend's place at Ngara, so that she could drop the gifts, chocolates.

Considering she helped me catch a job I was just okay, I also didn't have stuff to do at home, so why not. We went all the way. We got at the gate and the place was locked, there was no security guard and the Kiki guy was not picking up his phone.

"Kwani ni surprise?"

"Zii anajua nakuja'

Five minutes into waiting, a car was leaving these apartments and so we had a chance to get in. I was following her through the stairs and I was feeling she lied about the guy being aware that she was going to visit. We got at his door, D14, and I didn't know if I was supposed to get in or wait outside. We knocked almost three times with no response but we would tell the door was not locked from inside. She pushed it to get in. I faked a phone call to stay outside, but she asked me in. Almost begged me, she was hella nervous. Where is this guy though?

She dialed his phone while we were standing inside his living room and his phone was plugged to a charger somewhere behind a couch. She started calling out his name, but it was almost useless. There was music blasting from another room, his bedroom I guess. My girl walked through a corridor I could see from where i was standing and disappeared to some room. Immediately the music stopped and finally we were getting somewhere with this, "surprise".

I was almost halfway to sitting down, when my girl walked out of the room, almost crying, her face red and she was signaling me to leave. She wasn't saying anything or shouting anything. She was calm and mad. She didn't have the chocolates either. Behind her was Kiki. He was more of what I had imagined, tall and had quite the sura. He was shirtless and was in sweat shorts. Whoosh!

Back to my girl now. She was headed for the door and now I was standing behind her. Kiki was holding her hand and I was kinda in between them now. So Mimi nikasonga. Kiki got hold of her well and pulled her back in the house. Wow, at this point she was crying.

"Mbona unanifanyia hivi?" She asked in between sobs.

"Si you wait I explain basi," he said, I could tell he was sorry even before he apologized. I'm not siding with him.

I wasn't getting anything that was going on. I wanted to leave but I needed to know she was okay as well. And I didn't have fare too. I sat at the edge of the couch as they confronted each other when I turned to see a fourth person in the room. A girl in a towel, a white one. A really clean towel for a cheating guy.

Did my girl walk into them doing the dirty???

I looked at the white towel bitch for a while and I almost told her to dress up. Okay, but she should have dressed up before walking in the living room. She sat on the couch listening to them argue. The guy went from I want you back to please forgive me, it's a mistake, to I collected her from some party last night and she can leave right now. I looked at the sneaky link and she didn't move a bit. She didn't react to what Kiki said and heeeh!!! Mimi mtu aseme aliniokota?!? Could never be me.

After 4 to 5 slaps on Kiki, after everything I did for you from my girl and an intense exchange of words we finally left. The worst part is yet to come, don't stop reading. I ran after her kwa stairs. She was walking so fast. The gate was open, I could see. Kiki was after us, he even managed to walk past me. I slowed my pace to avoid any drama outside the house. They were past the gate now.

The last thing I saw was my girl on a bike, and leaving, and I was running to ask for my money and she shouted, "nitatuma". In as much as she was avoiding Kiki she should have waited for me. Like hear me out! I was left standing alongside Kiki, I had no choice but to ask for money from him,

"Ameenda na pesa yangu," I said.

This guy deadass looked at me in the eyes and left after a weak,

"Me sina doh!"

The only memory I have of someone looking me in my eyes ni hiyo bana.

Nilikaa apo looking stupid. Like the fool I am. To surprise, to get surprised and to be surprised, myself. Anyway, my girl Lorraine came through for me on Mpesa after some minutes. Everything is fine, I'm fine, stay single, mashallaahhh:>